


The Sun, Reversed

by alpine_street



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Canon Compliant, Hot Spring, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Minimal backstory spoilers, Naked Cuddling, References to Depression, Secret Relationship, Self Care, Suggestive Themes, Takes place between the first arc in Zadash and when they meet Kiri, Voyeurism, widomauk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:14:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23153071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alpine_street/pseuds/alpine_street
Summary: Placelessness in itself can be considered a form of depression.A couple of days out from their journey from Zadash to the swamps of Labenda, the Mighty Nein take up camp near a dense thicket surrounding a group of naturally formed hot springs. Sure that sleep will escape him as was it's trend, Caleb volunteers to take first watch alone. When Mollymauk wanders off in the middle of the night while Caleb is on watch, a quiet search for him ensues: one that will bring the two closer in a way that neither expected, illuminated by the phosphorescence of the mysterious spring.The mind is but a plaything of the body.When was it that Caleb stopped washing himself?
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 14
Kudos: 182





	The Sun, Reversed

“Caleb?”

Caleb’s head snapped up as he returned to consciousness. To him, it had felt like one instant he was sinking into a quiet abyss, and in the next he was pulled up again into the world of vision and sound. It was a sensation not dissimilar to that of lying in bed and jolting with a start after feeling his legs drift below the linens. A cloth-bound book lay open in his lap, the wind teasing the brittle pages of the old tome. The whole of it did not fly open, however, as holding the spine was a little green hand, bandaged for the sake of camouflage, though doing a rather poor job of hiding the girl’s poorly groomed fingernails. 

“Mmm.” He placed the blunt of his palm over one eye. “Trouble sleeping, Nott?” 

Nott flicked her long, covered ears. “Well, not really, I mean, not until I heard you snoring, Caleb.”

Caleb dropped his hand so he could see her properly. “What do you mean?”

“You fell asleep on watch.”

Caleb groaned. “Fuck.” 

“I told you I could stay up with you, you know,” Nott scolded.

“Nott, I’m… I’m sorry. It’s just…” Caleb searched. His voice was thick with weariness. “I mean…”

Nott shushed him. “It’s alright, Caleb. I’m not upset.” Her yellow eyes, that now more than ever seemed to glow in the dim light of underbrush, darted toward their sleeping companions. “Just feel lucky it was me who got up and not any of them.” She looked back. “Why did you want to take the first watch all by yourself? Especially if you’re this tired. You weren’t even on watch for a full hour, I don’t think.”

“How long was I out for?”

“I don’t know, I’ve only just woke up.”

Caleb remained hunched. He reached beside him to stroke the sleeping form of Frumpkin, his fingers curling to scratch behind the ears. The cat roused, but only slightly. “I didn’t think I would be able to sleep. So I thought that I might as well take my watch first, since I would be hard up for any rest anyway.”

“Well that clearly wasn’t the case.”

Caleb reached into the pocket of his duster until his hand met the spool of silver thread. Not sensing any signs of perturbation, he sighed. “No. It would appear not.”

Nott shuffled away from her cot to join Caleb at his side, gently nuzzling into his arm. “Is this about what you told me and Beau back when we were in Zadash?”

The sleeping figures before him were merely silhouettes in the starlight, as the fire had been snuffed long ago. Beau always slept on her side so that she could clutch her staff while she was sleeping. Even in unconsciousness she had a stern expression, her features like cracks in the surface of a smooth stone. 

He let another strand of hair fall in front of his eyes. “Yes.”

“Did you also not want to possibly have to take watch with Beau at some point in the night, Caleb?”

“Was it that obvious?”

“Oh, well, probably not to anyone else.” Nott smiled tentatively. “Do you want me to wake up Fjord so we can take our watch?”

Caleb’s eyes remained fixed on his sleeping companions. In trying not to look at Beau, he had noticed something else.

“Caleb? Is something the matter?”

Caleb stood up. His thumb brushed the tips of his fingers as he produced a single orb of light from them. He moved it in the space as he scanned the perimeter.

“Where is Mollymauk?”

“Hm?”

“Mollymauk, did he get up and leave at any point?”

“Not that I noticed, no...” said Nott, now also searching the surface of their camp. With each passing moment, Nott became more frantic. “Ah!” she yipped. “Oh my God! M-Molly! Molly’s been taken! Caleb help me wake the othe-mmrrrppphhh!!”

Caleb scooped her up and clamped a hand over her mouth. “Nott, be quiet! It’s too early to fly into a panic.” Nott continued babbling muffled speech until Caleb felt something wet pass over the inside of his hand, compelling him to cry out and drop Nott.

“Why do you do that?” Caleb spat.

“Your hands are always sweaty and I don’t like it!” Nott hissed.

“Nott, listen to me. Our primary instinct should not be to go into a nervous frenzy. Here.” Caleb produced the spool of silver thread from his pocket as he knelt in front of Nott. “You stay here and maintain watch. I’ll go and look for Molly. He couldn’t have gone very far. If anything enters our camp, this will tell me. You can also message me if you see anything worrisome.” 

Nott’s breath gradually returned to normal as Caleb roused Frumpkin, who readily pawed at Caleb’s sleeve and onto his shoulder. “Y-yes… I can do that, Caleb.” She chittered nervously. “Yes, he probably didn’t go far. He probably just got up to take a piss or something!” 

Caleb smiled and patted her sides. “You see? Nothing to worry about. Let me know if he comes back.” 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go instead? You’re tired.”

“No, I intend to continue my watch. Perhaps a walk will help wake me up.”

“Alright.” Nott said. “Be careful.” 

The spot where the Mighty Nein had chosen to make camp for the night was an open area outside a dense cluster of forest not a quarter-mile out from the road to the marshes of Labenda. Caleb assumed it would be the last stretch of land that they came across that had a particularly dry climate before they reached the damp atmosphere of the swamps. It was a surprising land development to come across, as familiar vegetation only seemed to get sparser as the group pressed onward. The landscape of the woods also had a rather rocky terrain, as this portion of the valley transitioned into the waves of green mountains and foothills in the distance.

The spot was easy enough to navigate with Dancing Lights, as the forest was not quite dense enough for one to lose their sense of direction easily. It was convenient, even if it illuminated the masses of loose dirt that had crept under his fingernails upon casting the spell. Were Caleb completely alone, he’d have been more tightly wound, but the sensation of Frumpkin rubbing against his calve every now and then made him less worried. 

_He probably did just go off to piss_. 

At least Molly had the sense to bring his swords with him if he was going off by himself into an unknown thicket. Neither of them were left by his sleeping area, nor was his coat. There was still no word from Nott, so Caleb pressed on ahead. He ultimately decided that if he had to go much further he would turn around, as he didn’t want to wander himself away so far that he could not find his way back. 

But there was something relieving about having the option of wandering away from the group. About not being in the same space as Beauregard. It had been nearly a week and it was still difficult. Blumenthal and the events that took place there seemed to follow him wherever she did, his efforts to leave them behind reduced to nothing. She knew. That was the trouble. So Caleb kept walking, his head kept pounding, and the trees all looked one and the same. 

His path was interrupted by a small light drifting past his face. 

It wasn’t one of his own, but something foreign. Caleb jumped at first, but his gaze followed its lazy trail. The creature illuminated the sides of the trees in a small radius almost as though it were broad daylight. It looked a bit like a wisp, but it didn’t seem interested in him. Instead, it drifted further into the thicket to Caleb’s left, toward a softer, but larger, source of pulsing light in the distance, obscured by trees. 

“What do you think?” Caleb whispered. Frumpkin mewled contentedly from below. 

Caleb rested his hand on the bark of a nearby tree, closed his eyes, and muttered a few words. In an instant, his vision became much lower to the ground, and the crunching of pine needles beneath Frumpkin’s paws became amplified. _Follow it_ , he directed. His sight followed Frumpkin as he bounded over twigs and rocks toward the source of the light. Frumpkin was a mere two yards from the light’s source when the sound of running water took over Caleb’s senses. 

The choosing of where the party would bed down for the night had been somewhat deliberate. The real charm of this spot, according to Jester spewing word of mouth from a few farmers in the area, was that this blanket of forest supposedly contained pockets of springs embedded in rocky outcroppings, some of which were heated by natural aquifers. 

Nott, on one hand, seemed to be against the principle of bathing altogether, but the rest of the party had wandered off much earlier in the evening to bathe in the springs. Caleb had no desire in seeking out the springs, even though the last time he had bathed was in the public bath house in Zadash almost two weeks prior. It wasn’t to say that Caleb hadn’t accumulated a thin layer of grime coating his clothes and body. The smell of it clung to his skin and the insides of his jacket, which did not go unremarked upon by the other members of the party. Jester had even drawn an impressive caricature of him as a slug, with slime dripping from his body and visible odorous lines emanating from him. Even Caleb noticed the scent that he had acquired if he took off his jacket or lifted his arms too high. Even then, bathing just felt like too laborious a task to carry out. Since leaving Zadash, he barely had the energy to speak and be present within the group. If it hadn’t been an event that had been properly carved out, Caleb wouldn’t have remembered the last time he had bathed, and was unsure when he would again. It hardly mattered. 

Caleb hadn’t seen the spring itself yet, but he assumed he had just stumbled upon it. Were the circumstances different, he wouldn’t have been sure, but even in the dead of night, the oasis was illuminated as clear as day. In Frumpkin’s low view through a gap between two trees, he saw a large circular pool, naturally formed by the rocky surface in which it lay perhaps 50 feet in diameter. There was a raised bed of rock which contained a smaller pool still, from which water lazily trickled into the body below. The water was a bright, saturated blue. It was a color that reminded Caleb of summer sky on the cusp of evening, if the color were squeezed and melted as liquid into a basin, and if the heat from the sun made steam rise from it in plumes. 

Even still, the most notable appearance of the spring itself was not its appearance -- it was the fact that Caleb could see it at all. The tiny wisp that Frumpkin had followed flew and kissed the top of the spring before fluttering away. Caleb lost sight of it among its dozens of others that danced above the surface of the water. Around the sea of water was a sea of wisps identical to it, drifting idly around the spring with pulsating light emanating from each one. They reminded Caleb of firebugs one would catch as a child and keep in a paper bag, if only they were as luminous as candles and traveled in swarms. 

And they floated shiftless, Caleb quickly saw, around a tiefling man with skin like pressed lavender and a long, embroidered coat that hung past his knees. Caleb watched as Mollymauk shrugged off his jacket, letting it fall to the ground where two sheathed, twin scimitars lay. 

_There_.

Caleb opened his eyes, his hand leaving the tree it had rested on. Frumpkin had made a straight shot from where Caleb had sent him, so finding him would be an easy task, even if it meant stumbling through the brush. Frumpkin was within eyeshot in under a minute. Caleb picked him up and cradled him. Since Molly would be accompanying Caleb on the walk back to their camp, he wouldn’t need the extra eyes in case something went south.

Or perhaps he wouldn’t. Caleb was only here because he was kept from sleep. It could be said that Molly was suffering from the same thing. For a moment, Caleb considered leaving without a word. After all, Molly had his weapons with him. He was more than capable of a fighter, so it wasn’t as if he was especially vulnerable. But there was no telling who or what lurked behind the trees surrounding the spring, or how many. As it was now, Molly was a sitting duck. 

Then again, this wasn’t necessarily Caleb’s problem. But if he didn’t at least say something in the moment, and something else happened to Mollymauk down the line because he wandered off on his own, some of the blame might be placed on Caleb. What would there be to say once Molly’s emaciated corpse was found the next morning? 

_You cannot say I didn’t warn him_. 

Caleb opened his mouth to speak to command Molly’s attention. But the words stuck in his throat as Molly lifted his undershirt from where it was tucked into his trousers. It glided over his head and off of his abdomen before it was discarded beside him along with the jacket. Caleb stood dumbly, mouth still open as if to say something.

_Oh._

_OH._

Caleb swept behind the tree he was looking out from, hoping that it was thick enough to mask his frame. He squeezed Frumpkin even more tightly at the sound of foliage shifting beneath his boots. 

“Hello?” Molly’s voice called warily.

Caleb clasped a hand over his mouth. He had worried that he had caught Molly at a private moment, and he had been right. He just hadn’t taken into account the extent.

After a moment, Caleb heard the shifting of fabric and clicks of buckles, which likely meant that Molly had dismissed the noise. Caleb peered out once more, a hand still over his mouth. Molly’s back was to him, and even from a distance he could see the outline of Molly’s shoulder blades jutting out from his skin. Caleb began tracing the tattoos on Molly’s back with his eyes. It was difficult at a distance: all it looked like was random patches of ink. Molly placed his boots beside his other garments. Caleb watched as Molly undid the buckles on his trousers and slid them off. He could clearly see where the man’s curious tail was placed at the very base of his back. Once they too had been tossed aside, Molly kelt beside the edge of the pool, which strange as it was, seemed to illuminate his skin from below. One leg went in, then the other, until finally he began to ease himself down into the water. 

Caleb retreated back behind the tree. His breath warmed the palm of his hand. 

_Right. Yes._

While Molly was almost entirely defenseless bathing in the middle of the night like that, Caleb felt that it would be unseemly to reveal himself now. Not only that, it would feel downright lecherous to stick around without emerging. He would make his way back to camp, tell Nott that Molly was fine and finish his watch... 

Without a moment’s warning, an ear splitting shriek emanated from the black depths of the thicket, rattling Caleb to his core. Frumpkin yowled and leapt out of Caleb’s arms, sending Caleb backward as he did. In his moments of terror, Caleb couldn’t imagine what could be in the thicket with them that could have made that noise and so _close_ , but he wasn’t about to stay and find out. He scrambled to grab Frumpkin, knees scraping the cold ground as he stumbled into the clearing, breathless. “Molly!”

Molly turned to face him, eyes wide. He stared at Caleb. He laughed heartily. “Caleb? Really?” 

“Molly, there is something--” Caleb sputtered as he fumbled up from his knees. “We need to go back to our camp and warn the others before--” 

Molly began to laugh even harder seeing the urgency on Caleb’s face. Caleb looked at him in utter confusion, but when he realized, he slumped his shoulders in embarrassment. 

“Old tiefling trick, Caleb,” Molly snickered. 

“Indeed,” Caleb affirmed, dejected. 

Molly folded his arms over the edge of the pool. “You know, I always thought that you were a little weird, but I never really pegged you as the voyeuristic type.” 

“Voye-” Caleb’s face flushed. “Oh, no, no, I was only--”

“No, I understand. We all have our needs.”

“No, I don’t think you do,” Caleb said. “Nott and I noticed you weren’t with us, so I went looking for you to make sure nothing had happened.”

“I’m curious, how long did it take you to notice I was gone? Was it after you woke up from your little catnap on watch?” Molly’s tail emerged from the water and flicked playfully. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s not like you were being very discreet.”

“Then why didn’t you wake me?” 

“You were snoring loud enough that I figured you’d wake someone else eventually.”

Caleb felt a tingling sensation in the base of his scalp, followed by Nott’s frantic voice. “Caleb! Are you alright? I-I heard a loud noise from the direction you were headed and I-- Do you want me to get everyone up and come find you?!”

_Wait for it…_

“You can respond to this message!!” 

“No, I’m fine. It was probably just the wind in the hollow of a tree. Molly is just paying a visit to the spring. He’s fine.” 

Molly looked up at him. “That Nott?”

“Mollymauk, what are you doing out here?”

Molly seemed puzzled. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Why do you choose now to come take a bath? It’s the middle of the night, and you’re a sitting duck for whatever creature or fuck knows what or who else might be living in these thickets,” Caleb said. “And didn’t you already bathe here today with everyone else?”

Molly smiled. “Well first of all, I can both fight and cry for help just as well naked as I can fully clothed. And second of all, I don’t really need to have a reason other than that I just wanted to. I enjoy hot baths.” He toyed with a bauble dangling from one of his horns. “Believe it or not, things can be functional _and_ enjoyable. Not that you’d necessarily know anything about that.”

“I like to read,” Caleb said.

“I meant more in the department of general hygiene.” 

“Oh.”

Molly let go of the ledge, allowing himself to sink further into the water. “Well why don’t you hop in with me? If not to wash up, at least relax the muscles?” 

“Ah, no thank you.” Caleb sat down on the bare stone. Frumpkin padded up next to him and curled into a ball. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? I’m basically pleading at this point, you smell _terrible_.”

Caleb nodded. “I’m aware.”

“Suit yourself,” said Molly. He turned to lean against the pool’s walls, arms resting on either side of the ledge. The sensation of Message returned to Caleb.

“Um, Caleb, I woke Fjord up for the next watch, it got to be that time… are you and Molly coming back to our camp?” Nott asked. “You can respond to this message!”

Caleb touched a finger to his temple. “No, Nott, I think I’m going to stay here a while. Don’t worry, we’ll be back at some point,” he whispered. 

“What was that?” Molly called.

“Oh, nothing,” Caleb replied. He reached into one of his duster’s inside pockets and produced a small tome, with a page marked by a blade of grass. 

“Well, if you just came to check on me, I’m fine, as you can see. Just taking a quick dip. You can go finish your watch.”

Caleb set the book down. “I only thought it most expedient to make sure that you came back safely once you were done.”

He could hear Molly scoff. “You wanted to escort me back to camp.”

“I suppose.” 

“Huh. That’s cute. How incredibly altruistic.” Molly glanced over his shoulder. “Why are you really still here?”

“What do you mean?” 

“You truly expect me to believe you’re sticking around out of the goodness of your heart? You don’t worry about us like that. You never think that far ahead,” Molly mused. “How _are_ things going with Fjord by the way? The tension between the two of you was so thick you could cut it with a damn knife after that stunt you pulled in Zadash--”

“Mollymauk.”

“And frankly, I personally don’t care if you and Nott have your own agendas at the end of the day, hell, more power to you, but there’s no need to lie about it--”

“Molly, I would prefer if you dropped it, please.”

Molly paused, his hands mid-gesticulation. “I suppose that’s fair.” 

Caleb stared at the weathered, paper cover of his book, a fictional literary anthology he had stolen from a general store a long time ago. That had been a particularly bad period in his life, as purchasing it would only have put him out five copper. A small wisp had landed on the surface, inspecting Caleb’s hand before flying away. He looked back at Molly. There was something comforting about not having to face someone to whom you were expected to tell a difficult truth. Even so, Caleb had trouble gathering the energy.

“I think...I wanted to be alone.”

Molly chuckled. “And look at how that worked out for you.”

“Truly,” Caleb said. “It’s not that I do not enjoy the company of all of you, but… I think I am solitary by nature. It would have been smarter to send Nott after you to look for you, yes, but the excuse to wander alone into a quiet place was one I couldn’t resist.”

“Is that why you took the first watch by yourself even though you were a dead man walking?”

“Ja. I think so.”

“Caleb, are you alright?” 

Opening his mouth and forming the words felt like pushing clumps of nettles around in his mouth. Just like it had in that tiny room in the Pillow Trove. “I’d rather not talk about it.” Every time that Beauregard looked at him now. The world seemed so hard and so small, like he was trapped in a bag of stones. 

“I think I wanted to be alone too," said Molly. "That’s part of it, anyway.”

“Unbelievable,” Caleb muttered.

“Hey, it’s true. I’m what Yasha calls a ‘wildly extroverted introvert,’ bless her heart,” said Molly. “It kind of became a thing at the circus for a while, after shows were over. Performers got first priority for bathing after shows, of course, and then crew and staff. I used to bathe with the rest of the crew, but a few weeks there I started waiting until everyone had left the wash basins before I went in. It felt… I don’t know. I think up to that point I had spent every second of every day building up this image for others so that I could have some semblance of an identity… so the idea of taking time for myself, even just something that’s considered basic care, that was such a radical discovery.” He tilted his head back to look at Caleb. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I understand.” 

“Do you ever miss that circus, Molly?” Caleb asked.

“Oh, sometimes,” Molly replied. “I don’t think Yasha misses it. She was always a wandering soul, so it’s hard for her to miss most places. I think what _I_ miss the most about it is that it’s one of those rare professions that’ll never ask you who you are or where you’re from.” 

“So you don’t have to tell them you don’t know.”

Molly laughed. “Come on now, who’d believe that?”

“We did.”

“Well, you all seem like you’ve seen stranger things. And so says the man who ate from the same dish as a little goblin girl for Lords know how long.”

“We were not sharing eating utensils, Molly. That would be unsanitary.”

“I hope you weren’t. What a mental image.” Molly submerged his hands into the water, bringing a large scoop of it back up before dousing his head with it. “Funny that you’re so concerned with sanitation.”

“I think you’ve made your point,” Caleb grumbled.

“Hey, if you insist on never washing yourself, you’re kind of asking for it.”

Caleb said nothing.

Mollymauk turned to lean above the ledge of the spring once more. “Something’s eating you, Caleb. I can tell. Is it what happened with Fjord in the house of the High Richter?”

“No.” 

“What’s the matter then?”

Caleb felt a pressure rise in his throat as Molly prodded. He could almost feel her eyes peering at him through the brush. He couldn’t do it. Not again. It had become so bad that even facing her was like feeling the flames licking his fingers. 

_Caleb, that is deeply fucked up. You know that, right?_

“Beau… Beauregard,” Caleb mumbled. “I told her something back in Zadash.”

“Oh?”

“Something that I would rather not have revisited.”

Molly threw up his eyebrows.

“I wanted to visit the Archive of the Cobalt Soul, which was, as it happens, a group she was formerly affiliated with, and she told me that she could grant me access.”

“Oh, yes,” Molly recalled. “I do remember you two going and doing that.”

Caleb nodded. “But you know her, she wanted something in return.”

“So what was it?”

“She asked me why I have an aversion to fire.” 

Molly’s lips parted. 

“And she said that if I told her, she would put a word in for me at the archive. So, I--”

“Caleb,” Molly interjected. “Stop. Forget that I said anything.”

Caleb’s voice shook as he spoke.“I’m sorry.” The energy had left his body. All that he could do was quake. 

“Don’t be. It doesn’t matter.”

Caleb was somewhat aghast. He was surprised at Molly's insistence to drop the subject. There was something almost fervent about it. Instead, Molly peered at him with an expression Caleb couldn’t say that he had ever seen him make. As if he was looking through the blinds of a window at something unknown on the outside. 

“And you’ve been thinking about this since we left Zadash?”

Caleb said nothing. He merely played with the fraying thread in his gloves until he heard a disturbance in the water as Molly rose out of it. His damp skin changed the color of the stone beneath it as his naked form came to kneel before Caleb. 

“Hey.”

Caleb looked up to be greeted by Molly’s empty tiefling eyes. By his tone, Caleb expected him to be jeering at him, but he instead wore a face of sympathy. “Come into the pool with me.”

Molly’s face was only dimly lit by the wisps that populated the air. The blue light from the pool complimented the hue of his skin, Caleb thought.

“Come on. I’ll wash your back for you.”

“I can’t,” Caleb whispered.

Molly sighed. “Feel free to put a hand in front of me if I’m overstepping my bounds.” Molly carefully slid his fingers under Caleb’s scarf and lifted it over his head like a thin veil. Caleb did not react, nor did he resist. Well manicured fingers reached below his armpit to pull his left arm out of the sleeve of his duster. He stared at Molly as he eased out of his jacket, flinching at the sudden nip in the air. The fabric fell behind him. 

The rest of the clothing was shed easily enough. Molly was able to help him out of his boots and shirt, but the trousers proved awkward to withdraw while sitting. For this purpose, Caleb braced himself on Molly’s forearms to stand so that they could be removed properly. All of his clothes lay in a large pile, and Mollymauk took him by the hand and led him into the sulfurous spring water. 

Caleb quickly realized why the spring was so well lit: the stone that formed the pool seemed to emit its own vivid, phosphorescent light, giving the appearance of the water glowing from below. It almost looked like a type of smooth, blue limestone. The wisps alone did not even produce half the light that illuminated the landform. But the light’s revelation dimmed in comparison to the comfort of the oasis. As soon as Caleb became submerged, his body flooded with warmth. He felt his muscles relax, and a tension released that he didn’t even realize he had been holding, and his eyes quickly adjusted to the dense steam. 

“Hold on, I have a bar of soap in my coat pocket.” It was only a few moments before Caleb felt Molly come back up behind him. “Alright. Here, hold your breath.”

A stream of hot water sluiced over Caleb’s bare skin, sliding down his neck and trickling down his face. In one moment it felt like a release, and the next a cold, biting mourning of its absence. Molly ran the bar of soap over Caleb’s now wet back. 

“Hot springs are pretty nice once you get past how much they smell like eggs,” Molly commented. “Hell, look at the dirt coming off of you.”

Molly repeated the process. The soap that he was using smelled vaguely of chamomile tea leaves. It was probably a stolen bar from the bath house in Zadash. There was something comforting about the monotony of the soap’s motion, back and forth across his shoulders and back. The traces were washed away with another stream of hot water. After he was done, Molly applied an oily substance to the flesh between Caleb’s neck and shoulders. This one had a more floral aroma. It added to the sensuality of the whole experience. 

“Alright,” said Molly. “I’m going to do the front now.”

He heard him moving about in the water, but Caleb did not meet Molly’s gaze, even when he ran his hands over Caleb’s chest and arms. “I don’t want to know what you told Beau,” Molly murmured. “Really, I don’t. It’s not that I don’t want to know what kind of sordid, pivotal, personal information that you imparted onto her, it’s that I don’t care. So don’t tell me.” Molly reached his hands over Caleb’s head to deliver another cupful of water cascading onto him. “You don’t need to. I think I understand a little better now, anyway.” 

Molly squeezed the soap in his hands before setting it on the edge of the pool. The color had changed from being caked with dirt. “You do a rather shit job of taking care of yourself, Caleb.” Molly’s palms touched Caleb’s face, caressing his cheeks and spreading a soapy film. “But I can’t say that I blame you.” Molly cupped his hands under the water. “Now close your eyes.”

A few moments later, Caleb’s head and face were flooded. His dampened hair clung to his neck as the spring water trickled past his clavicle. 

“Things can be functional and enjoyable,” Molly mused. His face seemed more serious, but still somehow serene. “But at the end of the day it’s all still work.” The soap returned to his hands to coat Caleb’s body once again. “Everything that requires some kind of exertion of energy is. Washing yourself, cooking for yourself.” Molly smiled. “I mean, fuck, even getting out of bed in the morning. Sometimes that feels like a feat in and of itself.” Molly’s fingers brushed Caleb’s forehead before clasping his temples between his hands. “Just hold your breath and close your eyes.”

Caleb did. Molly’s hands led his body further below the water, until he was crouching, fully immersed above his head. Caleb’s ears were filled with rumbling, as if the vibrations underneath the stones themselves had entered his head. When the two emerged back to the surface, Caleb opened his eyes to see Molly’s hair wet and unruly, sagging further than its normal length. 

Molly clapped his hand on Caleb’s shoulder jovially. “See? That wasn’t so horrible.” 

Caleb stared at him, perplexed.

“What’s the matter now?” Molly asked.

“I don’t understand.”

Molly shrugged. “You’re trying to understand Mollymauk? Mollymauk doesn’t understand Mollymauk.” He extended his hand to hold the bar of soap in front of Caleb. “Do me now.”

Caleb furrowed his brow. “What?

“I did say that it was work, didn’t I?” Molly tittered. “Wash me next.”

\--

“Mollymauk, may I ask you something?”

“Certainly.”

The two of them sat in a shallower part of the pool. Caleb made circles with his hands across the backs of Molly’s shoulders. With the baggy garments that he constantly wore, it was easy to forget how muscular Mollymauk really was. “It’s something I’ve always wondered, really,” he said, tracing the inked lines etched in Molly’s skin. “Your tattoos… do they hold any kind of specific meaning?”

“Some of them do,” Molly said. “The sun on my shoulder I got done when fortune telling and tarot reading started to become part of my identity at the circus, and I got the stars and moon to accent it. Gustav encouraged me, said it was good for the air of mystique we had going or something like that. The Sun is one of the cards belonging to the major arcana, and it represents inner radiance and success in abundance.” The water lapped at his skin as he spoke. “Even reversed, the Sun card has positive connotations. So it’s always good news in a reading.”

“Fortune telling… is that also why you have the cycle of the moon on your back?” Caleb asked. 

“It is, as a matter of fact. Some people are incredibly superstitious about the phases of the moon. They build their entire agendas around it,” Molly explained. “New moon is rebirth, waxing represents growth, and so on and so forth. The rest are mostly just for decoration. The snake and the peacock and all that. That’s the trouble with tattoos, I suppose. Once you start it’s difficult to reign it in.”

His back became awash with water from Caleb’s hands. “So decorating yourself like this… it is for functionality as well as pleasure?”

Molly hesitated. “Yes,” he said. “There are fewer on my chest because the designs would just become warped by scar tissue. It would be a waste of effort. But I think if I had taken up a different lifestyle earlier down the line my entire torso would be covered.”

“I see.”

Molly opened his hand, and a wisp landed on his palm. “You know what else I think it was?”

“What’s that?”

“I think I wanted to believe this body was truly mine.” The wisp stayed for a moment, then drifted away. “After I realized that I was probably trucking around used goods, I became depressed. I existed in something that didn’t belong to me. So I took initiative and I made it my own.” 

“Sometimes I envy that about you,” Caleb said.

“Why on earth would you?”

“I mean… not having a past that you are to be held accountable for. No regrets to be had.”

“Oh no, I do. It’s just that I have no fucking clue what it could be. Or when somebody else’s ghosts are going to come and bite me in the ass. Hard to say which is worse, right?” 

“Are you talking about the woman we met in the house of the Gentleman?”

“I suppose,” Molly said morosely.

“Has anything like that ever happened before?”

“No.”

Caleb wiped the suds away with a cloth he had salvaged out of his component pouch. Molly’s hair really did fall much longer when it was wet, curling like strings of smoke from a stick of incense, over the illustrative designs adorning his nape. He brushed a few damp strands out of the way. Molly’s neck was supple and pleasant to look at. “The mind is but a plaything of the body,” Caleb said. 

“Hmm?”

“It’s something that my father used to say.” Caleb parted the hairs evenly so that they fell on either side of Molly’s neck. “To my mother, mostly, when I was growing up, going through all the necessary changes. But it could work in reverse, I think.”

“And why’s that?”

Caleb rested his chin on Molly’s shoulder, tucking his mouth next to the ear. He wove his arms through the water and around Molly’s stomach, squeezing tightly. Caleb’s hand brushed his stomach under the water. Molly was still, doing nothing indicative of discomfort. 

“When I met you all, back in Trostenwald, with Nott,” Caleb began. “I don’t even know how long I had gone without grooming myself properly. It never crossed my mind, I mean, my travel companion was a literal goblin. And I didn’t think that I would properly get to know all of you. And then, well, one thing leads to another, we defeat a demonic toad and clear a man’s name, you all show me an ounce of kindness and even a semblance of companionship and…”

“And what?” Molly said softly.

“I thought to myself, ‘Caleb Widogast, you must smell fucking awful.’”

Molly was silent for a moment, then laughed cordially. “I don’t know, it makes sense to me.”

The phosphorus glow of the spring made the curves of Molly’s face glow a bright blue, from the angles of his chin to the indents of the stress lines near his mouth, making his purple flesh seem that much more otherworldly. Caleb could see it on his own skin as well. The color seemed to dance across Molly’s face as he craned his neck to press his lips against Caleb’s cheek. This kiss was long, and the pressure became fainter as it closed out, like a slow crescendo. When he was finished, Caleb loosened his grasp on Molly in surprise. Molly just stared at him, twisting his body to accommodate. 

“Why did you do that?” Caleb asked.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Molly replied. “I felt like it. I kiss a lot of people. It doesn’t have to mean anything other than that I’m enjoying your company.”

It made sense. Mollymauk was an affectionate person in his own circles. Admittedly, the only reference that Caleb had for this assertion was Yasha, the least affectionate person that he had met in his life. 

“If I made you uncomfortable, I apologize.”

“That’s not...um…” Caleb avoided Molly’s gaze. His head felt light. He couldn’t tell if the temperature in his face was because of the spring.

“Oh, Caleb.” His cadence made him sound like a disheartened mother. “Please don’t tell me you want it to mean something.”

“We all have our needs, Mollymauk.”

Molly’s expression morphed into something of surprise. He seemed used to being the one leaving others speechless, not the other way around. He gingerly lifted his hand out of the water to hold Caleb’s chin, coaxing his head to turn and face him. 

“I suppose we do.”

The softness of Molly’s lips only made Caleb realize how hard and chapped his own were in comparison. It stung a little in one place where a scab had been peeled away, but he recovered quickly enough, remembering where he was and who he was with. Who was holding both sides of his face now, brushing his thumbs against the scruff of his beard. Who was arching his back inward so their chests barely touched. The motion of Molly’s body was almost cat-like with his tail arching upward, and his arms resting themselves on Caleb’s shoulders to cradle the neck. Caleb’s hands had found purchase with the bits of flesh just above Molly’s waist, and he held them tightly. 

When was it that he had stopped bathing himself properly? When was it that it felt like an impossible chore to even clean the dirt from the grooves of his hands? When was it, that even though he could not ever stand the reflection staring back at him, the mangy, disgusting stranger, he could not bring himself to do anything about it but hide his own filth under another layer of clothing?

Caleb traced his thumbs over Molly’s ribcage. He hadn’t meant to, but one of them brushed the nipple, causing Molly to inhale sharply. 

“I’m sorry,” Caleb whispered.

“It’s alright,” Molly breathed. “It’s fine.” The pace of his breath had begun to become heavy and uneven. 

Caleb wanted to see it fall apart. 

He pulled Molly in further and went for the neck, the side decorated by the intricate peacock. Molly’s tattooed skin didn’t have a particularly different taste than patches that were not, but the thought didn’t even cross Caleb’s mind until he was kissing its illustrative frame. It didn’t matter. There was no air between them now, and Caleb could feel Molly’s chest rise and fall, the vibrations in his throat as he moaned, and the sifting of his fingers through Caleb’s hair. It wasn’t until Caleb let his teeth graze the skin that Molly balled his hand into a fist, taking a clump of Caleb’s hair with it. 

Molly must have seen some kind of opportunity as Caleb detached even a little bit, as he pulled Caleb’s head away by the hair and kissed him again, this time harder, more deeply. Caleb did not know how long they remained there, taking each other in on the water. They seemed to grow closer with each kiss, as if their bodies were stitching themselves together with a membrane acting out of their control. Molly was practically straddling him now. His knee comfortably touched the inside of Caleb’s thigh. 

“Caleb.”

“Mm?”

“Do you want me to take care of that for you?” Molly asked between kisses. 

Caleb opened his eyes. His mind hadn’t been in the moment for some time, and he realized that with the position that Molly’s leg was in. He realized that Molly probably would have felt that part of him become excited.

Caleb hadn’t thought this far ahead. Even while holding Molly in his arms, the thought never even crossed his mind that this encounter could end in sex. The thought of it now was jarring. 

“Mmmf.” Their faces parted from each other, allowing Caleb to speak. “Stop.”

Molly did. “Something the matter?”

Caleb was still catching his breath as he spoke. “No, it’s nothing. I just…” Caleb struggled to find the correct words. “I mean…” It was difficult to find a delicate way to phrase it when Molly was looking at him so concernedly. 

Caleb put a hand on Molly’s chest. “Not now. Not here,” he said. “I mean, do not misunderstand, Mollymauk, it is nothing against you, or, or what you have done for me tonight, I just…” He was beginning to trip over his words. “I don’t…”

“Caleb.” Molly’s palm cupped Caleb’s face. “It’s alright.”

Caleb swallowed. “I don’t think I want to do this here.” 

“And that’s fine.”

“I’m sorry.”

Molly rested his forehead against Caleb’s. “There’s no need to apologize,” he reassured. “I understand.”

Caleb’s face twisted into a grimace. His vision became blurry, the backs of his eyeballs beginning to burn. 

“Hey, hey.” Molly pulled back. “Oh for Gods’ sake, Widogast. So dramatic. I told you that it’s fine.”

Caleb sucked in a breath to try to stifle a sob. 

Molly sighed. “Come on, let’s get you dried off.”

“Mollymauk…” Caleb sniffed. “Thank you…”

“For what?”

“I think…” Caleb trapped any tears that wanted to fall with the heel of his wrist. “Tonight has been the kindest thing that someone has done for me in a very long time.” 

The feeling festered for a moment until Molly smiled again. “What in the hell are you talking about, Caleb?” He laughed incredulously. “All I did was wash your ass so none of us would have to put up with how Gods awful you smelled for the rest of the way to Berleben.” 

Caleb laughed subduedly. 

“What? It’s true! Just take a bath more often!”

\--

“Alright, who’s gonna bring up the front for the first part of today?” Beau had just finished tying off the harness on one of the horses. “I’ve been up since an ungodly hour this morning, so it’s not gonna be me.”

“Well, who wasn’t on watch last night?” Fjord asked.

“Jester I think, and Yasha.” 

Jester looked up from pitching the fire. “But I don’t want to ride the horses this morning! I had so many dreams about the Traveler last night and I need to draw all of them before I forget them so that I can show him!” 

“What were your Traveler dreams about, Jester?” Nott asked as she began rolling up a cot on the ground. 

Jester lit up, her blushing cheeks reminiscent of unripe blueberries. “Oh, you know, how smart and handsome he is, and how he says he’s going to be with me forever and ever, and how he rides on unicorns through poor towns and gives all of the sad kids brushes and ink so they can vandalize their mean, smelly orphanages, and…”

Molly clapped her on the back as he was passing. “So the usual stuff then. Excellent. Could not be happier for you.”

“I wasn’t done, Molly!”

“And if someone doesn’t stop you, we’re going to be here all day.” 

Caleb approached Fjord and Beau. “I can be first today.”

“I can ride with you, Caleb!” Nott called. “Just in case you fall asleep on your horse!”

“Nott!” Caleb hissed. 

“Sorry!” Nott called meekly. 

When Caleb looked back, he opened his mouth as if to say something, but stopped. He realized that Beau and Fjord were both examining his frame, eyeing him up and down. “Why are you two looking at me like that?”

Fjord squinted. “There something different about you today, Caleb? I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

“What? Oh,” he said. “I ah, took a bath last night. In the spring.”

Yasha walked by carrying a trunk of luggage. “You went all by yourself?” 

“Well, I--” 

“Don’t worry, Yasha, Caleb and I had a very nice time together last night.” Molly shot Caleb a look. “Let me help you with that trunk, dear.”

“I can carry it just fine.”

Jester squealed from afar. She held her grinning face in her hands. “Caleb, you took a bath with Molly last night?”

“I’ve taken a bath with all of you!” Caleb yelled back defensively. He looked back at Fjord and Beau, the latter of whom’s lips were curled into a tight smile, trying not to laugh. Beau, on the other hand, did not look at all amused. 

“Whatever,” she finally said. “Yasha’ll probably ride with you, that ok?”

“That is fine by me.” Caleb adjusted the saddle on one of the horses to his liking. Beau came up behind him.

Beau leaned over him. “Hey Caleb? We all appreciate the collective effort, believe me, but being clean only usually works if you wash yourself _and_ your clothes.”

“Noted, Beauregard.” He looked her in the eye. “Are you quite finished?”

“Caleb, are you ok?”

“Yes.” 

They shared a look for a moment. Caleb didn’t budge. Beau seemed surprised. 

“Alright, well, uh… let us know if you and Yasha need anything, I guess.” 

“Thank you,” Caleb said, meaning it. 

\--

Everyone had piled into their cart just after the sun finished cresting over the foothills. Caleb imagined that from behind it must have looked comical, his thin frame in comparison to Yasha’s bulky, muscular build. The party had managed to pick up their camp without a trace, save for the ashes of a snuffed fire. The horses began moving as soon as everyone was sure that nothing had been left behind. All were eager to arrive in Berleben and escape the open road as quickly as possible. 

Caleb looked back at Molly, he was sat next to Jester, who was busy into her sketchbook as was foreseen. It took a moment for Molly to meet his gaze, but he smiled when he did. Caleb smiled back.

His hair felt softer against his face and neck. It was probably something that Molly put in it the night before. He felt strange. But it wasn’t a bad feeling. No feeling was bad wherein he could face Beauregard again like he had in the past, before Zadash, before that night in the Pillow Trove. It was easier. Not pleasant. But easier. 

So many subtle things felt easier. He had energy, for one thing.

This was good. 

This was better. 

Nothing was fixed. 

But it felt better. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Yasha looking at him. He turned to face her, only to realize that she had leaned over into his space quite a bit from her horse. 

“Is something the matter, Yasha?”

Yasha looked embarrassed. “Oh, no, my apologies.” She withdrew and continued staring ahead, as she had been. “I just, um…” It was easy to forget how awkward Yasha could be in a peaceful setting. “I can tell now that you and Molly took a bath together. That’s all.”

“How is that?”

“You smell like him, for one thing.”

Caleb’s heart leapt into his throat. He looked back at Molly, who kissed the air at him and sneered coyly. Caleb rapidly spun his head back around. 

“Well, um…” Caleb struggled. “H-he did let me use some of his soaps and washing materials. That must be why.”

Yasha gave him a side-eye. “Yes. That must be why.” 

Caleb gripped the reins of his horse. Knowing Yasha, the rest of the ride would be conducted in silence. He wasn’t sure whether to feel relieved or terrified. 

As the morning drew on, the dense thickets surrounding the main road became smaller and smaller. The springs sprinkled throughout them would soon become warm, overgrown marshes. The journey to the Labenda swamp was drawing to a close, as was the strange, liminal solitude of the open road. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> This story was originally just a fun thing I started to de-stress during my final exams, but I'm really glad I ended up finishing it. I haven't written any fanfiction in a really long time, and this was nice. I'm not all the way caught up with Critical Role, so I may have left some things out, but I hope that this story was enjoyable regardless. Widomauk has become a really comforting pair for me. Anyway, thanks again!
> 
> ~Two bros, chillin' in a hot spring, five feet apart cuz they're not gay~
> 
> ...Unless?


End file.
